A Change in Direction: It's Never Too Late to Turn Around
My car is a safe space for me;
a place where I can test out my singing career alongside Ariana Grande or ugly cry after every heartbreak.
At 16, simply driving to school or golf practice was an adventure in itself and I still remember the thrill of merging onto the freeway for the first time or finally being able to parallel park in the streets of Downtown Seattle.
Yet, as my confidence was built through these first steps of independence, I slowly felt the streets close in on me.
What was once uncharted territory now became a map that was engrained in the back of my mind.
Every road I drove down only filled my car with dread and hopelessness. As if each street triggered the soundtrack to every emotion I'd ever felt, my mind played the same album repeatedly. The route to school played a mix of anxiety and sleep deprevation, a signature track before every test or presentation. Turning onto the street where my ex-boyfriend lived would almost break the stereo as my mind became flooded with every heated argument we'd ever had. Driving past Victor's Coffee Shop would play every rumor and scandal my best friends and I shared, always with a cup of Irish Nudge coffee in hand.
Feeling trapped, I looked to my map for a way out. My ticket came in the form of an acceptance letter to college, and I soon found myself overlooking the ocean as the evergreen trees grew smaller in my rearview mirror. 1,033 miles later, I overlooked a new canvas. Desperately, I worked to fill in the spaces of this new map, forcing it to take over any remains of the old streets.
For a while, it worked. My first quarter of college was one of the most memorable and crazy three months of my life. I took my first computer science class and quickly fell in love with my major. It fascinated me that I could express my creativity through such a logical approach and I was proud of every graphic and simple animation I made, no matter how ugly they turned out to be. I also joined a sorority where I instantly felt at home. Greek life may have a bad reputation but I can honestly say that it has been one of the best influences throughout my college experience and every one of my sisters inspires me to be a leading woman. In addition, I became exposed to so many individuals from so many different backgrounds. Each of these people has helped me widen my perspective and grow more than I could have ever imagined. For the first time in a long time, I sat behind the wheel of my car with a sense of direction and eagerness, and in this way, I expanded my map with excitement and happiness. Whatever remained of my old map seemed to have been erased and I continued to build this new canvas without ever looking back.
Those three months went by like a dream, and I soon woke up to the familiar rows of evergreen trees under the same gloomy sky as I went home for winter break. Watching the raindrops hit my car window, I hesitantly pulled out the map I grew to hate so much. Shifting into drive, I challenged the streets again. Yet, these same streets that had previously triggered that dreaded album never played. Instead, I felt as though I was staring at a new map. The route to my high school reminded me of the countless rides I spent with my friends talking about cute boys and singing along to "Toxic". Driving by my ex-boyfriend's house brought me back to the night where we shared our first kiss in the middle of the road at two a.m. and the butterflies flew straight back into my stomache as if it happened yesterday. Stopping by Victor's couldn't help but put a smile on my face as I looked over to the table where my friends and I would sit every Sunday morning after an eventful weekend.
As if I had taken new routes to get to these old destinations, the streets on my map changed. High school may have been stressful and trivial at times, but it shaped me to become a stronger and more independent individual. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend didn't end the way I wanted it to, but he was the most important person at one point in my life and I'm still thankful for everything he has taught me. Now, I'm lucky if I can see my friends twice a year but when we do go back to Victor's, we laugh about the high school drama that our lives used to revolve around. In this way, reevaluation is always an option and you are in charge of the streets you drive down. Simply put, the direction you choose to drive can drastically change how you perceive the world. But I mean, listening to Ariana never hurts either.
Every road I drove down only filled my car with dread and hopelessness. As if each street triggered the soundtrack to every emotion I'd ever felt, my mind played the same album repeatedly. The route to school played a mix of anxiety and sleep deprevation, a signature track before every test or presentation. Turning onto the street where my ex-boyfriend lived would almost break the stereo as my mind became flooded with every heated argument we'd ever had. Driving past Victor's Coffee Shop would play every rumor and scandal my best friends and I shared, always with a cup of Irish Nudge coffee in hand.
Feeling trapped, I looked to my map for a way out. My ticket came in the form of an acceptance letter to college, and I soon found myself overlooking the ocean as the evergreen trees grew smaller in my rearview mirror. 1,033 miles later, I overlooked a new canvas. Desperately, I worked to fill in the spaces of this new map, forcing it to take over any remains of the old streets.
For a while, it worked. My first quarter of college was one of the most memorable and crazy three months of my life. I took my first computer science class and quickly fell in love with my major. It fascinated me that I could express my creativity through such a logical approach and I was proud of every graphic and simple animation I made, no matter how ugly they turned out to be. I also joined a sorority where I instantly felt at home. Greek life may have a bad reputation but I can honestly say that it has been one of the best influences throughout my college experience and every one of my sisters inspires me to be a leading woman. In addition, I became exposed to so many individuals from so many different backgrounds. Each of these people has helped me widen my perspective and grow more than I could have ever imagined. For the first time in a long time, I sat behind the wheel of my car with a sense of direction and eagerness, and in this way, I expanded my map with excitement and happiness. Whatever remained of my old map seemed to have been erased and I continued to build this new canvas without ever looking back.
Those three months went by like a dream, and I soon woke up to the familiar rows of evergreen trees under the same gloomy sky as I went home for winter break. Watching the raindrops hit my car window, I hesitantly pulled out the map I grew to hate so much. Shifting into drive, I challenged the streets again. Yet, these same streets that had previously triggered that dreaded album never played. Instead, I felt as though I was staring at a new map. The route to my high school reminded me of the countless rides I spent with my friends talking about cute boys and singing along to "Toxic". Driving by my ex-boyfriend's house brought me back to the night where we shared our first kiss in the middle of the road at two a.m. and the butterflies flew straight back into my stomache as if it happened yesterday. Stopping by Victor's couldn't help but put a smile on my face as I looked over to the table where my friends and I would sit every Sunday morning after an eventful weekend.
As if I had taken new routes to get to these old destinations, the streets on my map changed. High school may have been stressful and trivial at times, but it shaped me to become a stronger and more independent individual. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend didn't end the way I wanted it to, but he was the most important person at one point in my life and I'm still thankful for everything he has taught me. Now, I'm lucky if I can see my friends twice a year but when we do go back to Victor's, we laugh about the high school drama that our lives used to revolve around. In this way, reevaluation is always an option and you are in charge of the streets you drive down. Simply put, the direction you choose to drive can drastically change how you perceive the world. But I mean, listening to Ariana never hurts either.